Breaking Free from People-Pleasing: Reclaim Your Authentic Self
Are you constantly putting others’ needs before your own, afraid to say "no," or seeking validation to feel valued? People-pleasing is a common behavior that can lead to anxiety, burnout, and inauthentic relationships. While it may seem like a way to keep the peace and gain approval, it often leaves you feeling drained and unfulfilled. In this blog, we'll explore key signs of people-pleasing, why it happens, and actionable steps you can take to break free and regain control over your life. By embracing your authenticity and setting healthy boundaries, you can reduce anxiety, improve self-esteem, and create more meaningful connections.
First let's note some of the common signs of people-pleasing:
Saying "yes" when you really want to say "no"
Constantly seeking validation or approval from others
Avoiding conflict at all costs, even when it’s necessary
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or prioritizing your own needs
Going out of your way to ensure others are happy, even if it leaves you feeling drained
Here are some tips to get you started:
#1. Figure out why you do it
Is it a need for approval? A fear of rejection or being alone? Or simply a lack of self awareness? I would also ask you to consider, of these, how much began in childhood? Was it safe to say "no" or have your opinion considered?
#2. Examine
Examine the benefits and drawbacks of people please. To most everything there is both a benefit and a cost. Also examine the benefits or drawbacks of taking care of yourself
#3. Identify who and what is important in your life
It is important to know what you need and to be clear on what your goals and values are. You need to know this for yourself because we teach people how to treat us. You can teach a person to respect your goals / values if you don't know what they are. Also, when you are determining who is important in your life, START WITH YOU. You are important. So what are the things that are negotiable or non-negotiable for you. What's worth your energy or not?
#4. Self-Care
Start including yourself and your own needs on your daily to-do list. It is easy to get swept away with the needs of others (especially if you are a parent). While not everything we need to accomplish in a day is all about our needs, our goals or our values, you can still determine how you will carry out the day in a way that complements those same goals and values.
#5. Don't be afraid to communicate and confront.
It's healthy to ask for and take breaks from people, places and things that don't serve you well. Ask for what you need and set healthy and appropriate boundaries. Don't expect mind reading. You must communicate!
#6. You don't have to meet every social obligation.
Remember that "no" is a complete sentence.
#7. Challenge your inner critic
Say to him / her, "who says....."?
#8. You are your own best advocate (once you know what you need)
#9. Plan a day for yourself (try to do this at least once a month)
One day without the responsibility for anyone else.
#10. Share yourself with others
Instead of always focusing on what other people might enjoy, invite someone to do something with you that you are interested in doing.
#11. Synergize!
Recognize and embrace strengths and challenges in yourself and others
#12. Say how you really feel
Do this even if you aren't sure if the other person will agree. This can be done with a friend and even respectfully to a parent or someone in authority.
People-pleasing may feel like a way to gain approval and keep peace, but it often leads to burnout and inauthenticity. By building self-awareness, challenging limiting beliefs, and setting boundaries, you can break free from people-pleasing and create more balanced, fulfilling relationships. It's time to start prioritizing your needs and reclaiming your life.
Breaking the habit of people-pleasing isn't easy, but it's essential for fostering a healthy, authentic life. As you take steps to recognize your needs, set boundaries, and advocate for yourself, you'll start to see improvements in your mental health, relationships, and overall happiness. If you're struggling with people-pleasing, anxiety, depression, or relationship challenges, Thrive for Life Counseling is here to help. Our compassionate therapists offer virtual therapy to clients in Indiana, Illinois, Florida, New Hampshire, and New Jersey. Whether you're seeking support for anxiety, ADHD, or couples therapy, we accept most major insurance plans. Reach out today for a consultation or appointment, and let us guide you toward reclaiming your authenticity and well-being.