Understanding Gaslighting: How to Recognize and Recover from Emotional Manipulation in Relationships
Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological abuse that can leave lasting emotional wounds. Whether it occurs in romantic partnerships, families, friendships, the workplace, or even in medical settings, gaslighting distorts a person’s sense of reality and undermines their confidence and well-being. At Thrive for Life Counseling, we help individuals recover from emotional abuse and reclaim their power. Through online therapy and virtual counseling services, we offer support for anxiety, depression, and trauma recovery in Indiana, Florida, Illinois, Missouri, and New Jersey. Whether you’re a college student facing toxic relationships, a partner navigating emotional manipulation, or a family member struggling with gaslighting by someone is your family unit, our therapists are here to help you thrive.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and control where one person intentionally tries to make another person question their reality, memory, emotions, and perception. It’s psychological abuse—and it's more common than many realize. The term comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, later made into a film, where a husband manipulates his wife to the point that she doubts her sanity. The term regained cultural popularity around 2015 and was even Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year in 2022. In her book “The Gaslight Effect,” Dr Robin Stern notes that “gaslighting is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another’s reality, by telling them that what they are experiencing isn’t so—and, the gradual giving up on the part of the other person.”
Gaslighting can happen in any kind of relationship: romantic, familial, professional, or medical. In abusive partnerships, it is especially prevalent. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 74% of female domestic violence survivors reported experiencing gaslighting by their partners. Even outside of domestic abuse, many people unknowingly experience gaslighting, often leading to long-term mental health effects such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and emotional dependence.
Common Gaslighting Tactics
Some of the most frequently used gaslighting strategies include:
Denial of Reality: Statements like “That never happened” or “You’re making things up” are meant to confuse and disorient the survivor.
Minimizing Feelings: The gaslighter may call their partner “too sensitive” or “a drama queen.”
Blame Shifting: They may accuse the survivor of being the problem, saying things like “You’re the one who’s lying” or “If you hadn’t brought it up, we wouldn’t be fighting.”
Over time, this emotional manipulation can chip away at a person’s mental health, leading to symptoms of anxiety, depression, and even trauma-related disorders. Survivors often become so unsure of their own reality that they rely on their abuser for a sense of truth.
How Gaslighting Begins
Gaslighting typically doesn’t start suddenly—it evolves. In the beginning, the gaslighter may seem kind and overly affectionate. This stage, often referred to as “love bombing,” is designed to gain rapid trust. The gaslighter may share personal stories and offer excessive praise. But as soon as the survivor feels safe and connected, the emotional manipulation begins.
Gaslighting rarely occurs alone. It is often paired with other controlling behaviors such as:
Isolating the person from friends and family
Controlling finances
Jealous accusations or surveillance
Secret-keeping and invasion of privacy
These tactics deepen the victim’s emotional dependence on the abuser, making it even harder to break free.
Why Do People Gaslight?
Gaslighting is about control. Individuals who engage in gaslighting may do so to maintain emotional, physical, or financial power in a relationship. Often, gaslighters may have underlying personality disorders—especially narcissistic personality disorder—or may be influenced by their upbringing, trauma history, substance use, or insecure attachment styles. These explanations do not excuse abusive behavior, but they may provide insight into what drives it.
Why It’s So Hard to Leave
Leaving a gaslighter is extremely challenging. When survivors attempt to leave, the abuser may resort to a tactic known as hoovering—named after the vacuum brand. The gaslighter may beg for another chance, offer heartfelt praise, or promise to change. But once the survivor is pulled back in, the cycle typically continues. This emotional rollercoaster can make it feel impossible to walk away, especially when the survivor's self-trust has been eroded.
You Deserve Support and Healing
If you suspect that you’ve experienced gaslighting or emotional abuse, know that healing is possible—and you don’t have to do it alone. Thrive for Life Counseling offers virtual therapy and affordable online counseling to help you rebuild self-trust, strengthen your confidence, and recover from emotional trauma. Our experienced therapists provide therapy for anxiety, therapy for depression, ADHD support, and couples counseling online. We also support college students, athletes, and anyone navigating stress, burnout, or toxic relationships.
Our licensed therapists serve clients in Indiana, Florida, Illinois, Missouri, and New Jersey through 100% virtual therapy—accessible by video or phone—and we accept most major insurance plans. Let us help you take the next step toward emotional clarity, stability, and empowerment.
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