Surviving the Narcissistic Parent: Understanding, Healing, and Reclaiming Your Life
Mental health is an essential component of overall well-being, and at Thrive for Life Counseling, we believe everyone deserves the opportunity to live a fulfilling and balanced life. However, there are many times when people, situations, or things challenge the overall well-being of our mental health. Having a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can significantly challenge our ability to maintain a balanced and fulfilling life.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD often exhibit the following traits:
Exaggerated sense of self-importance: They may believe they are superior to others and expect special treatment, regardless of actual accomplishments.
Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, or ideal love: They might be obsessed with achieving fame, wealth, or admiration.
Need for excessive admiration: They require constant praise and recognition to maintain their self-esteem.
Sense of entitlement: They expect others to cater to their needs without reciprocating or considering the needs of others.
Exploitation of others: They may take advantage of people for personal gain, often without remorse.
Lack of empathy: They have difficulty recognizing or caring about the feelings or needs of others.
Arrogant or haughty behaviors: They may come across as condescending or dismissive, particularly toward those they perceive as inferior.
In relationships, particularly parent-child ones, individuals with NPD can be emotionally manipulative, seeking to control or undermine their child’s sense of self-worth to meet their own emotional needs. This can create significant challenges for the child's emotional development - ability to have inner happiness as well as to do simple things like communicate and set boundaries.
This blog will review some tips and tricks to help you deal with your NPD parent as well as the well-known Gray Rock Method that helps individuals set boundaries and be able to grow outside of a narcissistic-ridden household.
Educate yourself!
Being informed about NPD can be very helpful in maintaining your peace of mind. If you know things that trigger your parent’s NPD, you can avoid potentially detrimental arguments and altercations. Being informed about what NPD is and how it affects the person who has the disorder can be a simple practice of mindfulness. Going to therapy sessions as well can help you maintain a sense of well being to help you get through your daily or weekly challenges of dealing with your parent who has NPD. Therapy can help you when it comes to any confusion regarding your NPD parent, and it can help you learn more about prioritizing your mental health and well being.
Communicate and Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries in any relationship is important but especially with narcissistic parents. Having clear boundaries that you stand on consistently helps you to keep your distance when the NPD parent has a relapse. Standing on your boundaries might not be something that your narcissistic parent enjoys, but it helps you have a clear consciousness and a strong mental well being. You have to also communicate to be able to set these boundaries which is another difficult skill set in itself. Communication is not something a person can learn overnight and some days it's harder than others to do. Communicating and sharing your thoughts or feelings on your parent’s actions can help them to recognize when their NPD is overtaking them.
Learn When to Walk Away
The last two pieces of information are things you can use to help protect yourself if you are currently living or still are around your narcissistic parent. However, sometimes the only thing you can do to protect yourself is walk away. If you feel worn out time and time again and if you are putting in the effort, but they do not desire to seek help then it may be time to separate yourself from the parental relationship. Trust yourself and be sure to have a support system with which you can speak before making a final choice. Walking away is hard, and the Thrive Team is here if you ever make that decision.
The Gray Rock Method
The Gray Rock Method is far from easy, but it helps when no contact becomes unavailable for you to do. The point of the method is to treat your parent with NPD as a simple gray rock. The rocks you kick on the ground while going on a morning walk - you do not truly give them a second let alone first thought. You imagine your parent as that rock. They do not provoke thoughts or feelings or anything from you because they are simply a gray rock in the road. This method may take practice but do not give up. Keep trying until you feel comfortable enough to ignore the simple gray rock.
Conclusion
At Thrive for Life Counseling, we understand that life's challenges can be overwhelming, but you don't have to face them alone. Our team of licensed therapists is dedicated to helping you navigate the complexities of life with confidence and resilience. There are many other research-based tips to help you, but these are amazing starters. Our team has a wide variety of therapists that deal with all age ranges so there is somebody on our team that can help everyone at any age to deal with a narcissistic parent. Just do what you can when you can and remember if you need help - we’re here for you!
Abby Wisthoff is an intern at Thrive for Life Counseling for the 2024-2025 school year. She is an avid writer with a passion for exploring and analyzing various psychology topics.