Strengthen Your Relationship with Stress-Reducing Conversations

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy for stress from work, finances, and other daily pressures to spill over into relationships. Often, partners want to support each other but struggle to truly connect when discussing these stressors. If you’ve ever shared a tough day with your significant other only to leave the conversation feeling misunderstood or even more stressed, you’re not alone. At Thrive for Life Counseling, we know that learning effective communication skills, such as practicing stress-reducing conversations, can significantly enhance relationships and relieve anxiety. In this blog, Thrive therapist Marilyn Verbiscer explores how couples can engage in stress-reducing conversations to build empathy, reduce miscommunication, and strengthen their bond, providing practical techniques to implement right away.

Did something stressful happen to you this week? If so, you might bring it up to your significant other, but instead of listening, they give you advice or criticize you and you end up more stressed out than before.  Or perhaps your significant other frequently ends conversations accusing you of not listening to them.  Either way, someone is not feeling heard in the relationship.  According to Dr. John Gottman, the key to successful discussions with your significant other is to learn how to have stress reducing conversations.  After all, you do not want your significant other making stress-reducing bids to their mother, best friend, etc. YOU want to be that person for your stressed partner.

The purpose of the stress reducing conversation is to assist your significant other in the management of daily external stress, stress that comes from outside the relationship such as job stress, your own family of origin problems, inflation, etc.  The speaker should talk about his or her stress with as much detail and depth as possible.  The listener offers support to their significant other using these suggestions:  

- Maintain eye contact

- Nod

- Ask questions

- Make such comments as “Tell me more about that”, “What a bummer!”, “I would be stressed too”, “That guy is a jerk”, “This is our problem and we will face it together”, “I am totally on your side”, “That is so sad”, “That is something that would have me worried too”, “I can see why you would be angry about that”, etc.

In a stress-reducing conversation, while one partner speaks, the other partner practices active listening.  This means that the listener listens to understand, stays focused on their significant other and expresses support and validation.  The listener then asks these open ended questions:

- “What is most upsetting to you about this”?

- “What is it that you do not like about this situation”?

- “What is this like for you”?

- “Is there anything I can do to support you in this”?

- “What do you need”?

- “Are you interested in receiving advice or problem solving”?

Be sure to avoid the following at all costs:

- Problem-solving.  Do NOT do this unless your significant other specifically asks for help with solving the problem.  When the listener jumps to problem solving, the speaker sometimes questions whether the listener thinks the speaker can not solve their own problems.  An example of jumping to problem-solving is “I would have…” or “Why don’t you…”

- Siding with the enemy!  It is important to remember that you do not have to agree with your significant other, you just can NEVER side with the enemy.  Siding with the enemy sounds like “Your boss was only trying to help…” or “I think your mother is right.”

Ask your significant other about his or her stress tonight and try a 15 minute stress reducing conversation.  It is a great way to join in your partner’s world and grow closer to one another.

Stress-reducing conversations are a powerful tool for couples to reconnect and manage life’s challenges together. By actively listening, showing empathy, and avoiding problem-solving unless asked, partners can create a safe, supportive space for each other. If you or your partner struggle with stress, anxiety, depression, or relationship concerns, Thrive for Life Counseling can help. Our licensed therapists specialize in virtual counseling and are available for clients in Indiana, Illinois, Florida, New Hampshire, and New Jersey. We accept most major insurance plans, and our 100% virtual services make it easy to access support from the comfort of your own home. Take the next step toward a healthier relationship—contact us today to schedule a consultation or appointment.