How Attachment Styles Shape Our Adult Relationships

Our earliest emotional bonds play a crucial role in shaping how we connect with others later in life. Research dating back to 1969 suggests that the quality of our attachment to our primary caregivers significantly impacts our romantic relationships in adulthood (Cleveland Clinic, 2023). Secure attachments formed in childhood foster trust and emotional security, while insecure attachments can lead to challenges in intimacy, communication, and relationship stability. Understanding your attachment style can help improve relationship dynamics and pave the way for healthier connections. Whether you struggle with anxiety in relationships, avoid emotional intimacy, or feel a mix of both, exploring attachment theory through virtual therapy can help. Thrive for Life Counseling offers professional relationship counseling and couples therapy to help clients in Indiana, Illinois, Florida, and New Jersey work toward more fulfilling relationships.

The Four Attachment Styles

Psychological research has identified four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. While secure attachment fosters healthy connections, the other three are considered insecure attachment styles, each existing on a spectrum. Let’s explore how each impacts adult relationships.

Secure Attachment Style

Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have stable, trusting relationships. As infants, they experienced consistent emotional support and responsiveness from their caregivers, which allowed them to develop confidence in their relationships. Securely attached adults are comfortable with intimacy, communicate effectively, and provide emotional support to their partners. Studies estimate that around 58% of adults have a secure attachment style (Levine & Heller, 2010). If you and your partner struggle with communication or trust, couples therapy can help strengthen your emotional bond.

Anxious Attachment Style

Also known as anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied attachment, this style forms when a caregiver is inconsistent in their availability and responsiveness. Children in these relationships grow up uncertain about whether their needs will be met, leading to a heightened fear of abandonment. As adults, they may be perceived as "needy" or overly sensitive to rejection, seeking constant reassurance from their partners. Approximately 19% of adults have an anxious attachment style (Levine & Heller, 2010). If relationship anxiety affects your daily life, working with a therapist trained in relationship counseling can provide valuable coping strategies.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Avoidant attachment, also called dismissive attachment, develops when a caregiver primarily meets a child's physical needs but lacks emotional warmth and responsiveness. These children learn to rely on themselves rather than seek comfort from others. As adults, they often struggle with emotional intimacy, preferring independence over deep connection. About 23% of adults have an avoidant attachment style (Levine & Heller, 2010). If you or your partner find emotional closeness difficult, couples therapy can help bridge the gap and improve relationship satisfaction.

Disorganized Attachment Style

Disorganized attachment, sometimes referred to as fearful-avoidant attachment, is the least common and most complex attachment style. It often results from trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, leading to a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors in adult relationships. Individuals with this attachment style may crave closeness but push partners away due to fear of intimacy. Because disorganized attachment is linked to mental health conditions such as PTSD and personality disorders, therapy is often essential in addressing these challenges and building healthier relationship patterns.

How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships

Understanding your attachment style and how it interacts with your partner's can significantly impact relationship satisfaction, communication, and emotional well-being. Studies show that attachment styles influence conflict resolution, intimacy levels, and even parenting styles (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). Since attachment patterns can be passed down through generations, seeking relationship counseling can help break unhealthy cycles and create more secure connections for future generations.

Conclusion & Next Steps

If attachment issues are affecting your relationship, there are options to help. In the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love” you can learn more about the attachment styles above and the science behind them that can help you to have healthier and happier relationships.  In addition,  therapy can help you gain insight, improve communication, and foster a deeper emotional connection. At Thrive for Life Counseling, we specialize in couples therapy, marriage counseling, and individual support for anxiety, depression, and relationship concerns. Our 100% virtual therapy services are available to residents of Indiana, Illinois, Florida, and New Jersey. We accept most major insurance plans, making quality mental health care accessible and convenient.

Take the first step toward a healthier relationship today—schedule a consultation with Marilyn Verbiscer, LMFT, or one of our skilled therapists at Thrive for Life Counseling. Visit our website or contact us to book an appointment and start building stronger, more fulfilling relationships.