Guiding or Hovering? Navigating the Balance Between Lighthouse and Helicopter Parenting
Introduction
Our diverse team of therapists, including specialists in marriage and family therapy, adolescent counseling, child psychology, and individual therapy, work collaboratively to create tailored treatment plans that address your unique parenting needs. While there are countless parenting styles to help a child grow and develop into a mentally and physically productive adult, there are two parenting styles that will be compared and contrasted - lighthouse vs. helicopter parenting - in today’s blog. There is no specifically right or wrong parenting style since all children and all parents are different; however, helicopter parenting can negatively affect a child and their relationship with their parents based upon current research. After reading this blog, the goal should be to see what parenting style you fall closer to and if there are any changes you would like to make to improve your parenting style. You will also hear input from a child who has grown up with each parenting style, as well as professional thoughts and regards.
Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parenting is described as a parent who follows their children around and micromanages them giving them no space to grow. Helicopter parents don’t provide sunlight to help their children grow, they block the sunlight which negatively affects the child regarding their growth and confidence. There are a lot of life experiences that a child will go through and being a helicopter parent means being overly anxious and potentially limiting or ruining those experiences for your child. Of course, there are times when you need to step in to protect your child but there are times when you also need to step back and let your child fall and learn by themselves. There is no right or wrong way to parent but you need to understand when to step back and when to step in so you can have a well-rounded child that will become a well-rounded adult.
Lighthouse Parenting
Lighthouse parenting is on the complete opposite side of helicopter parenting. Lighthouse parenting means checking in and communicating with your children instead of always lingering around them. There are moments when you need to step in and set strict boundaries for your children but knowing when to do that and when not to makes a great connection between you and your children. Offering guidance is also super important for your children but you need to know when to offer that advice and when to let your child crash and fall so they can learn a lesson from the experience. When you are there to help your child fail in a safe and comforting environment you are helping them grow into a person that can deal with failures as an adult and won’t overreact when they don’t get their way.
Personal Experience (Helicopter Parent)
I want you to keep in mind that I am a 17-year-old girl so I have not a single idea of what it's like to be a parent however I know what it's like to have both a helicopter parent and a lighthouse parent so I can give my input. My bio dad is the literal embodiment of a helicopter parent. He used to micromanage everything I would do and would try to make me live a life that he wished he had lived. There was no room for growth or failure because he would never allow me to experience my life. I know you might be thinking …“But you’re 17. You never know if there were times of protection or not.” I know he wouldn’t let me do basic things on my own including sitting out back alone by myself. I also currently don’t talk to my bio dad anymore so I feel like that says a lot more than I ever could in words.
Personal Experience (Lighthouse Parent)
While my bio dad was the literal embodiment of a helicopter parent, my mom, on the other hand, is a complete lighthouse parent. She sets strict boundaries with me and makes our relationship a safe space so communication can happen if I feel something is unfair or confusing. I let her know my plans at the start of the week so there is no confusion or miscommunication between what I’m doing and where I will be. She also gives amazing advice when I ask for it, I hate random bits of advice so she respects my boundaries and gives me advice when I ask so I can learn things on my own. She gives me a healthy environment where I can grow and make mistakes while she protects me from things that I shouldn’t have to experience at my age. Conclusion
Thrive for Life Counseling is committed to empowering individuals and families to live their best lives. While there are many different parenting styles such as strict, intensive, high achievement, free range, child-led, and many others, you can be whatever kind of parent you want and whatever kind of parent that your child needs. However, if you are becoming a helicopter parent then a significant amount of damage can be done to your child and your relationship with your child. Be mindful if your worries are coming from a place of genuine concern or irrational anxiety. If you need help identifying the two, coping with your child growing up, or dealing with other parenting challenges, remember the Thrive team is always here! We have an amazing team that specializes in different age ranges and stages of life across many states including Illinois, Indiana, Florida, & New Hampshire. We are here for you!
Abby Wisthoff is an intern at Thrive for Life Counseling for the 2024-2025 school year. She is an avid writer with a passion for exploring and analyzing various psychology topics.