Financial Infidelity: How Money Secrets Impact Relationships and How Therapy Can Help

Financial infidelity, sometimes called financial deception, is an often overlooked but deeply damaging issue in romantic relationships. It occurs when one partner keeps secrets about spending, savings, debt, or financial decisions. Because trust is foundational to healthy relationships, lying about money can feel just as painful as sexual or emotional infidelity. For many couples,  financial infidelity can quietly erode connection long before it is openly addressed.

At Thrive for Life Counseling, we regularly work with individuals and couples through online therapy and virtual therapy for counseling who are struggling with relationship distress related to money conflict. Understanding why financial infidelity happens and how to heal from it is an important step toward rebuilding trust.

What Is Financial Infidelity?

Financial infidelity involves hiding or intentionally failing to disclose financial behaviors that one expects a romantic partner would disapprove of. Researchers Garbinsky, Gladstone, Nikolova, and Olson (2020) define financial infidelity as engaging in secretive financial behavior while knowingly withholding that information from a partner.

Common examples include hidden credit cards, secret bank accounts, concealed debt, undisclosed loans, unshared bank statements, covert purchases or investments, or making large financial decisions without a partner’s knowledge. What often begins as a small omission or “white lie” can escalate into serious financial irresponsibility, including compulsive spending, gambling, or chronic debt.

For couples seeking couples therapy or couples counseling online, financial infidelity frequently emerges alongside broader issues of communication breakdown, power imbalance, or unmet emotional needs.

Why Do People Lie About Money?

Research suggests that up to 42 percent of individuals have engaged in some form of financial infidelity. People lie about money for many reasons. Some anticipate disapproval or want to avoid conflict. Others adopt an “it’s my money” mindset as a way to reclaim autonomy in the relationship. Shame, embarrassment, and fear around reckless spending habits also play a major role.

Money is often a taboo subject in families and cultures, which can lead to financial illiteracy and unhealthy money behaviors in adulthood. These patterns are especially common among college students, young adults, and athletes who may be managing independence, performance pressure, and financial stress simultaneously.

Financial deception significantly impacts relationship satisfaction and stability. It can cause partners to question the entire relationship and may increase the likelihood of other forms of betrayal. Some studies indicate that financial infidelity may even facilitate sexual or emotional affairs by funding secret activities or gifts. In one survey, over half of respondents reported that financial cheating is just as damaging as physical cheating, with some believing it is worse.

The Emotional and Mental Health Impact of Financial Infidelity

The consequences of financial infidelity extend far beyond money. It can trigger intense anxiety, depressive symptoms, anger, and chronic distrust. For individuals with ADHD, impulse control challenges can contribute to secretive spending. Others may use financial deception as an avoidance behavior linked to mood disorders, bipolar disorder, or underlying trauma.

In couples therapy or marriage therapy, financial infidelity often reveals deeper relational wounds around safety, honesty, and emotional attunement. Without intervention, these wounds can continue to resurface, even if the financial issues themselves are addressed.

How Therapy Can Help Couples Recover

Recovering from financial infidelity requires more than simply fixing the numbers. While working with a financial advisor or money coach can help restore financial stability, therapy is essential for repairing trust and addressing the emotional fallout.

The partner who engaged in financial deception must commit to full transparency and consistent honesty, even when mistakes occur. Couples need structured, open communication and clear agreements around finances. Through virtual therapy, couples counseling online, and marriage therapy, partners can explore the underlying reasons behind the deception and rebuild emotional safety.

In some cases, individual therapy for anxiety, depression, ADHD, or impulse control issues is also recommended alongside couples therapy. When both partners are willing to do the work, healing and reconnection are possible.

Conclusion

Financial infidelity can feel devastating, but it does not always have to mean the end of a relationship. With the right support, couples can address money conflicts, rebuild trust, and develop healthier communication patterns. Therapy provides a safe, structured space to do this work.

If you or your partner are struggling with financial infidelity, relationship conflict, anxiety, depression, or ADHD, Thrive for Life Counseling is here to help. We offer affordable online counseling through 100 percent virtual therapy via secure video or phone sessions. Our therapists provide online therapy in Indiana, Illinois, Florida, Missouri, and New Jersey. We accept most major insurance plans and work with individuals, couples, college students, and athletes.

To schedule a consultation or appointment, reach out to Thrive for Life Counseling and take the next step toward restoring trust and emotional well-being.

References

Dew, J. P., Saxey, M. T., & Mettmann, A. (2022). Money lies and extramarital ties: Predicting separate and joint occurrences of financial deception and extramarital infidelity. Frontiers in Psychology. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1038169

Garbinsky, E. N., Gladstone, J. J., Nikolova, H., & Olson, J. G. (2020). Love, lies, and money: Financial infidelity in romantic relationships. Journal of Consumer Research, 47(1), 1–24. https://doi.org/10.1093/jcr/ucz052

Jeanfreau, M. M., Holden, C., & Brazeal, M. (2020). Our money, my secrets: Why married individuals commit financial infidelity. Contemporary Family Therapy, 42, 46–54. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-019-09516-7

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