10 Myths About Relationships – Debunked!

Relationships are at the core of human connection, yet so many of us hold misconceptions about what makes them thrive. These myths can create unnecessary tension, lead to unmet expectations, and even harm partnerships. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship science, has spent over 50 years uncovering what truly makes relationships work. As a Level 3 Gottman-trained therapist at Thrive for Life Counseling, I’m here to debunk 10 common relationship myths and share insights that can improve your connections, whether you're navigating couples therapy, anxiety, ADHD, or pre- and postpartum challenges. Let’s dive in!

Myth #1: Marriage is just a piece of paper.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. While a marriage license is a legal document, the benefits of marriage extend far beyond legality. Research consistently shows that a healthy, satisfying marriage contributes to better physical and psychological health, increased longevity, financial stability, and the overall welfare of children. Marriage is a cornerstone of well-being in many developed countries.

Myth #2: Love is enough.

If only it were that simple. While love is foundational, it isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. After the honeymoon phase or the arrival of children, couples often stop prioritizing passion, romance, and adventure. Relationships require ongoing effort to keep the spark alive through shared experiences, meaningful connection, and dedicated couple-focused time.

Myth #3: Talking about past emotional wounds will only make them worse.

William Faulkner once said, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” If an emotional wound still affects you, it’s worth addressing. Processing these injuries with your partner or a skilled therapist can help you release lingering pain and foster deeper understanding. While you can’t change the past, you can change how you feel about it.

Myth #4: If you have to work at communication, you’re not soulmates.

Every relationship requires effort, and communication is no exception. Just as an athlete practices to stay sharp, couples need to hone their communication skills to avoid misunderstandings and build trust. Without this work, relationships are more likely to deteriorate over time.

Myth #5: Conflict is a sign of a bad relationship.

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, whether with a partner, family member, or coworker. It’s not the conflict itself but how you handle it that matters. Miscommunications and differing expectations often spark disagreements, making open and respectful dialogue essential.

Myth #6: All relationship conflicts can be resolved.

Surprisingly, 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual. These recurring issues often stem from personality differences and don’t have a clear resolution. The goal isn’t to eliminate these conflicts but to manage them through acceptance and ongoing communication.

Myth #7: All relationship conflicts are the same.

Not all conflicts carry the same weight. While some issues are minor, others touch on deeply held values or “non-negotiables” that require careful navigation. Understanding your priorities and willingness to compromise is key to managing disagreements effectively.

Myth #8: What couples argue about most is sex, money, and in-laws.

While these topics are common, many arguments arise from communication breakdowns rather than specific issues. Failed bids for emotional connection often escalate into disagreements. By turning toward your partner with empathy and curiosity, you can address the underlying feelings driving the conflict.

Myth #9: Compatibility makes relationships work.

What truly strengthens relationships isn’t compatibility but agreeability. Couples who show mutual respect and interest, even during disagreements, build stronger connections. Statements like “Good point” or “Tell me more” reflect a willingness to understand and appreciate each other’s perspectives.

Myth #10: If a relationship needs therapy, it’s already too late.

This myth couldn’t be more damaging. The reality is that couples therapy is highly effective and backed by research. Unfortunately, fewer than 10% of divorcing couples seek therapy, even though many could have resolved their issues with professional guidance. Seeking therapy is a proactive step toward healing and growth, not a sign of failure.

Conclusion

Understanding the truth behind these common myths can transform your relationships and help you navigate challenges with greater confidence. At Thrive for Life Counseling, our team of experienced therapists is here to support you through anxiety, ADHD, depression, pre- and postpartum concerns, couples therapy, and more. Whether you’re seeking therapy for teens, counseling for children, or virtual therapy for your own needs, we provide compassionate, evidence-based care for residents of Indiana, Illinois, Florida, and New Jersey.

Our 100% virtual services make accessing quality mental health support easier than ever, and we accept most major insurance plans. Don’t wait to strengthen your relationships or prioritize your mental health. Contact Marilyn Verbiscer, LMFT today to schedule a consultation or appointment and take the first step toward thriving in life and love.