For many high school and college athletes, sports provide purpose, community, structure, and a powerful sense of identity. But when athletic performance becomes closely connected to self worth, one disappointing game, race, injury, or season can feel like evidence of personal failure.

Student athletes may experience performance anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, fear of disappointing others, or uncertainty about who they are outside of their sport. Developing an identity beyond athletic achievement does not mean becoming less committed. It can help athletes approach competition with greater resilience, recover from setbacks, and enjoy the experiences and relationships that make sports meaningful.

I recently read Good for a Girl: A Woman Running in a Man’s World by Lauren Fleshman, and there were so many lines that stopped me in my tracks, not necessarily because they were things I had never heard before, but because they were things I think every athlete needs to hear at some point.

“You don’t have to go out there and win. You can just go out there and be curious.”

“The best ones are always running from ghosts, love.”

“I wanted it, but I didn’t need it, which made the thought of chasing after it all the more fun.”

“You have to create an identity outside of athletic performance because it makes you better able to handle the times sport won’t go well, and there will be those times.”

“When you realize failing doesn’t make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things.”

To all my fellow college and high school athletes out there: I see you. I’ve been there.

I know what it feels like when the pressure from your sport suddenly starts to become too much. When your sport starts to become who you are, what you are made of, and what you think you are worth. When the pregame or premeet nerves become overwhelming because the result feels like it might define you.

That is simply too much for your shoulders to carry.

I promise you, no one is going to remember that bad game or that bad race the way you think they will. It will not keep your teammates up at night. It will not define your life. And years from now, you probably will not remember the result nearly as much as you remember everything that happened around it.

So, darling, take care of yourself.

Remember that you are what people will remember, not the result that lives on some website somewhere.

Find other hobbies. Develop other interests. Make friends outside of your sport. Give yourself permission to be bad at something new. Go out there and be curious.

Because this time goes by so unbelievably fast, and you do not want to look back one day and realize you missed out on all the other beautiful adventures life had to offer because you were so focused on performing.

Have fun.

Laugh until your stomach hurts. Stay up too late sometimes. Have that ice cream challenge with your teammate. Go to the weekly Bachelorette watch party. Take the ridiculous pictures. Sing too loudly in the van. Make the inside jokes that no one outside your team will ever understand. Enjoy the free food and the hotel rooms. Make memories that have absolutely nothing to do with your stats.

And when you have a bad game or a bad race, let it be just that: a bad game or a bad race.

Not a bad athlete.

Not a failure.

Not a reflection of your worth.

You are so much more than what you can produce on a field, a court, a track, or a course.

Do not take yourself so seriously that you miss out on your own life.

Because someday, the results will be archived somewhere online. The times will fade. The rankings will not matter nearly as much.

But I hope you remember what made you whole.

The people.

The laughter.

The friendships.

The ridiculous stories.

The songs you sang in the van.

The late nights.

The ice cream.

The moments when you forgot you were even an athlete and were simply a kid having the time of your life.

You do not have to go out there and win. You can just go out there and be curious.

And maybe that is what being good for a girl, and being good to yourself, is really about.

When Athletic Performance Becomes Your Identity

Athletic identity describes how strongly someone defines themselves through participation and success in sports. A strong athletic identity can create motivation, belonging, discipline, and confidence. It can become difficult, however, when an athlete begins to believe that performance determines personal worth.

You may be struggling with athletic identity or performance pressure if:

• A poor performance affects how you feel about yourself for days.
• You constantly compare your statistics, playing time, body, or progress with other athletes.
• You feel guilty when resting or participating in activities outside of your sport.
• You worry excessively about disappointing coaches, teammates, family members, or yourself.
• An injury, transition, or reduced role leaves you unsure of who you are.
• You have difficulty enjoying your sport because you are focused primarily on results.
• You feel anxious, depressed, burned out, or emotionally exhausted.

Recognizing these patterns does not mean that you are weak or insufficiently committed. It may mean that you have been carrying more pressure than one person should have to manage alone.

Ways Student Athletes Can Protect Their Mental Health

Small, consistent practices can help student athletes maintain a healthier relationship with competition and performance.

1. Separate performance from identity

Replace “I am a failure” with “I had a difficult performance.” One outcome describes an experience, not your value as a person.

2. Identify qualities that have nothing to do with statistics

Consider the qualities friends, teammates, and family members appreciate in you, such as humor, compassion, loyalty, curiosity, courage, or leadership.

3. Develop interests outside of sports

Hobbies, friendships, academics, service, and creative activities give you additional sources of purpose, connection, and confidence.

4. Notice your internal dialogue

Ask whether you would speak to a teammate the way you speak to yourself after a mistake or disappointing performance.

5. Create process based goals

Focus on preparation, effort, recovery, communication, and skills that you can influence rather than measuring success only through outcomes.

6. Allow yourself to rest

Recovery is part of athletic development. Rest does not need to be earned through perfect performance.

7. Ask for support

A trusted teammate, coach, family member, athletic trainer, or therapist can help you process pressure before it becomes overwhelming.

How Therapy Can Help Student Athletes

Therapy provides a confidential place to talk openly about performance anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, injury, team dynamics, relationships, academic pressure, and life transitions. It can also help athletes develop coping strategies, challenge harsh self criticism, strengthen confidence, and create a more complete sense of identity.

You do not need to be in crisis to benefit from counseling. Therapy can help you remain committed to your sport while making space for the other relationships, interests, and qualities that make you whole.

Frequently Asked Questions About Student Athlete Mental Health

Is performance anxiety common among student athletes?

Many athletes experience nervousness before competition. Additional support may be helpful when anxiety becomes overwhelming, interferes with sleep or concentration, causes significant physical distress, affects performance, or prevents an athlete from enjoying the sport.

Can therapy help after a sports injury?

Yes. An injury can affect more than an athlete’s body. Therapy can help athletes cope with grief, uncertainty, isolation, changes in routine, fear of reinjury, and concerns about losing their role or identity.

Does seeing a therapist mean I am not mentally tough?

No. Seeking support is a proactive way to strengthen coping skills, self awareness, emotional regulation, and resilience. Mental health care can be one part of taking care of yourself as a whole person.

Can student athletes receive virtual counseling?

Thrive for Life Counseling provides 100 percent virtual therapy, allowing eligible student athletes to attend sessions from a private location in the state where their therapist is licensed.

About Dr. Katelyn Murphy, LCSW

Dr. Katelyn Murphy, LCSW, is a former student athlete and therapist who understands the unique pressures associated with competition, performance, identity, relationships, academics, and major life transitions. She provides virtual counseling for high school and college athletes, individuals, and couples experiencing performance anxiety, general anxiety, ADHD, depression, relationship concerns, and emotional stress.

Katelyn provides online therapy to clients located in Indiana, Florida, and New Jersey. She accepts most major health insurance plans and offers daytime appointments Monday through Friday.

Learn more about Dr. Katelyn Murphy, LCSW

Contact Thrive for Life Counseling to schedule an appointment